So it finally happened. I feel homesick. It’s been about two weeks of non-stop exploring or classes and this is the first moment where I’ve had a pause from the hectic nature of my everyday life here. And well, on this rainy and grey Sunday, I find myself desperately pining for any attention from my peers and family. I made the mistake of going through instagram to check up on them and I found countless cheery photos of friends from Whitman. And of course I’m happy for them, but I also can’t deny that I feel left out. And on a day like today, you can’t help but crave curling up in your own bed, with Netflix (which by the way isn’t allowed here yet) with that cup of vanilla chai that you go out of your way to buy at the supermarket. It’s hard too because you’re not really sure how to cope with it. When I reach out to my friends it warms my heart but then I’m left missing them more, but when I try and distract myself I feel like I’m not actually “fixing” anything.
I think what I’ve learned is that I just need to acknowledge that I do miss my Whitman life a lot. I miss my parents and my siblings too, but that feels more normal at this point. I can’t tell you how much I miss my friends though. And I miss my Theta sisters dearly, especially watching them prep for recruitment. I wish I could offer them my help and support, I wish I could gush over how much I love my sorority and make new connections with the first year PNMs. I miss my a cappella group, and getting to sing on a regular basis or the rush of being on stage. I miss my academic advisers strangely. I miss being an active feminist voice on campus. And I sometimes look up to the sky and think about those Walla Walla sunsets that I’d see while walking across Ankeny barefoot during the summer. And god, I really really miss the Taqueria- I’d probably kill for a decent burrito at this point.
But even though I am longing for these people and the comforts of home, it doesn’t take away from my experience here at all. I still feel excited to travel and inspired to explore and make art. It just makes my time here more complex. The feelings of happiness and excitement can coexist with nostalgia and melancholy, and that’s okay. I think that’s something important to recognize.