Is it possible to journey somewhere without also journeying into a “someone”? Someone different and just as distanced from yourself as you are from wherever you find your home to be? Is it a good thing, or does the lack of an anchor in a sea of unfamiliarity signal an impending crisis within you? That’s the thing about unfamiliarity, there’s only so much that can be theorized about it, and about your interaction with it. And even though the idea can be daunting, it doesn’t stop you from venturing out into and exploring the world. It’s fun for a while, maybe for a while longer if you’ve got people with you but surely you hit a point where you begin to sense the disaffection of unfamiliarity. Disaffection only insofar as you continue to feel and perceive through the lens of the familiar, the known and all that you claim elemental to your sense of identity. Just as different seasons call for different ways of life, so do different journeys for different ways of self. That isn’t to say that you should abandon your sense of self when you choose to embark on a journey, but more so your ways. A journey that fails to change you is a failed journey, and so with every new expedition you make, you allow yourself to confront the potential of change that awaits you. If given up, it will remain unfulfilled for all eternity once that moment has passed and although you may return to the same place in the future, the opportunity for growth won’t. Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed some of these thoughts hovering around in my mind especially as I begin to take more time off university traveling, reading and writing, and I wanted to journal some of them down in this post as some sort of an intermissive reflection halfway through my semester.

Meditation Room at the Bath Abbey; Bath, Somerset.

Growth, much like happiness, isn’t much of a goal by itself and tends more towards being a consequence. A consequence of making informed decisions, of being mindful of your emotions and of being intentional with your actions. The biggest merit there is to any journey, is perhaps the chance it provides you with, to grow in reinventing yourself. To start from ground zero, nurture your most desired qualities, to shape your environment and choose your people. The very nature of this reinvention however, demands a breaking down of your previous constructs; physical, mental and emotional, which is why it is imperative on anyone who seeks to travel for the sake of their growth, to break the routine of being themselves and assume a shapeless identity up until their novel environment tailors them a new one. You don’t have to aim to become a particular ‘someone’ by the end of your journey, you just need to be open to the possibility of change, open to experience, and accepting of whatever comes your way. My journey so far has been an endless reminder of the very fact that change often occurs at the expense of comfort, which in my case stems from ascertaining what or how much I wish to change. It is only when I stop judging the quality and magnitude of “potential” that I’m facing, will any of it ever be realized within me. Judgment on my part is the deterrent of actual change, because in ascribing notions of sufficiency or likeability to these ‘possibilities’ of growth, I close myself to perceiving any effects they might have on me. To anyone else reading this, I would say that striving to harness the ability to temporarily suspend your judgment is a worthwhile pursuit because it allows you to immerse yourself in absolute experience enabling you to see beyond the constructs of your emotional and mental dispositions, and making the best out of any given situation.

The Prayer Hall at Bath Abbey; Bath, Somerset

My time here so far has been, to put an adjective to it; provocative because even though I’m doing all that I’ve always wanted to, I can’t shake the feeling of longing to experience more, which makes me turn inward to question my perspectives, and seek change outward. Balancing my course load with the want to travel has been a challenge and still proves to be, because I haven’t been able to prioritize either. I find myself stressing over not having explored enough whenever I’m working, and over not having studied enough when I’m exploring, which I feel has been the biggest challenge for me because it leaves me with a bitter feeling of inadequacy. I’m not certain what the rest of my time here will bring forth, but I’m trying to let go of the need to expect or desire what I want it to. As I’m writing this, I’m not bitter or upset, just merely curious as to what it is in me, that no distance, amount of people or number of experiences can even remotely satiate. I don’t intend to completely figure myself out in my time here, but a marker to a general direction wherein I can seek the answers might be good.